. The mistress of the tea shop may now and then give you half an ounce; but that will be only a drop in the bucket: therefore I fear you must be forced, like the rest of your sisters, to run in trust, and pay for it out of your wages, as far as they will go, which you can easily make up other ways, if your lady be handsome, or her daughters have good fortunes. And lastly, there is another convenience in this method, that if at any time during your waiting you find yourself going to cough or sneeze, you can immediately snatch out the plate, and hold the hollow part close to your nose or mouth, and thus prevent spirting any moisture from either upon the dishes or the ladies dress; you see gentlemen and ladies observe a like practice on such an occasion, with a hat or a handkerchief; yet a plate is less fouled and sooner cleaned than either of these; for, when your cough or sneeze is over, it is but returning your plate to the same position, and your shirt will clean it in the passage. I could enlarge very much upon this subject, but I trust to your own discretion. If a lump of soot falls into the soup, and you cannot conveniently get it out, stir it well, and it will give the soup a high French taste.
Wipe your Shoes, for want of a Clout, with the Bottom of a Curtain, or a Damask Napkin. Quindi consigli su come fare la cresta, su come assentarsi senza venire scoperto, su come vendicarsi per ogni minimo torto -vero o supposto che sia. Dust jacket quality is not guaranteed. Next to cards, there is nothing so profitable to you as bottles; in which perquisite you have no competitors except the footmen, who are apt to steal and vend them for pots of beer: but you are bound to prevent any such abuses in your master's family: the footmen are not to answer for what are broke at a general bottling; and those may be as many as your discretion will make them. When any servant comes home drunk, and cannot appear, you must all join in telling your master, that he is gone to bed very sick; upon which your lady will be so good natured, as to order some comfortable thing for the poor man or maid.
When a gentleman is going away after dining with your master, be sure to stand full in view, and follow him to the door, and as you have opportunity, look full in his face, perhaps it may bring you a shilling; but if the gentleman has lain there a night, get the cook, the housemaid, the stablemen, the scullion, and gardiner, to accompany you, and to stand in his way to the hall in a line on each side of him: if the gentleman performs handsomely, it will do him honour, and cost your master nothing. The E-mail message field is required. The second is, the invention of small chests and trunks with lock and key, wherein they keep the tea and sugar, without which it is impossible for a waitingmaid to live: for, by this means you are forced to buy brown sugar, and pour water upon the leaves, when they have lost all their spirit and taste. Responsibility: Jonathan Swift ; edited by Herbert Davis. A good butler always breaks off the point of his bottlescrew in two days, by trying which is hardest, the point of the screw, or the neck of the bottle: in this case, to supply the want of a screw, after the stump has torn the cork in pieces, make use of a silver fork, and when the scraps of the cork are almost drawn out, flirt the mouth of the bottle into the cistern three or four times, until you quite clear it. Non mi ha sorpreso affatto, invece, la sua produzione satirica.
Low's whimsical, sketch-like illustrations appear throughout this humorous satire of the serving class. I come now to a most important part of your economy, the bottling of a hogshead of wine, wherein I recommend three virtues, cleanliness, frugality, and brotherly love. I must caution you particularly against my lord's eldest son: if you are dextrous enough, it is odds that you may draw him in to marry you, and make you a lady: if he be a common rake and he must be one or t'other , avoid him like Satan; for he stands less in awe of a mother, than my lord does of a wife; and after ten thousand promises, you will get nothing from him, but a big belly or a clap, and probably both together. If you want Paper to singe a Fowl, tear the first Book you see about the House. On the contrary, when any one calls for ale toward the end of dinner, fill the largest tankard-cup topful, by which you will have the greatest part left to oblige your fellow servants, without the sin of stealing from your master.
Hay and oats, in the management of a skilful groom, will make excellent ale, as well as brandy; but this I only hint. The ostler is an honest fellow, and loves horses in his heart; and would not wrong the dumb creatures for the world. When you invite the neighbouring Servants to junket with you at home in an Evening, teach them a peculiar way of tapping or scraping at the Kitchen Window, which you may hear, but not your Master or Lady, whom you must take Care not to disturb or frighten at such unseasonable Hours. Learn all the new-fashion words, and oaths, and songs, and scraps of plays that your memory can hold. When you carry dishes or other things out of the room at meals, fill both your hands as full as possible; for although you may sometimes spill, and sometimes let fall, yet you will find, at the year's end, you have made great dispatch, and saved abundance of time. When you have done a Fault, be always pert and insolent, and behave your self as if you were the injured Person; this will immediately put your Master or Lady off their Mettle.
Utrecht: Stichting De Roos, 1972. Book design by Aldert Witte. Never make use of a spoon in any thing that you can do with your hands, for fear of wearing out your master's plate. Therefore as soon as you alight at the inn, deliver your horses to the stableboy, and let him gallop them to the next pond, then call for a pot of ale, for it is very fit that a christian should drink before a beast. Still, the author reminds us of his past as his real or imaginary past as footman, and seems to compete with the servant for inventiveness. Always lock up a cat in the closet where you keep your china plates, for fear the mice may steal in and break them. Whet the backs of your knives until they are as sharp as the edge; which will have this advantage, that when gentlemen find them blunt on one side, they may try the other; and to show you spare no pains in sharpening the knives, whet them so long, till you wear out a good part of the iron, and even the bottom of the silver handle.
Let there be always a strict friendship between you and the butler, for it is both your interests to be united: the butler often wants a comfortable titbit, and you much oftener a cool cup of good liquor. They are at least reading copies, complete and in reasonable condition, but usually secondhand; frequently they are superior examples. To grow old in the office of a footman, is the highest of all indignities: therefore when you find years coming on without hopes of a place at court, a command in the army, a succession to the stewardship, an employment in the revenue, which two last you cannot obtain without reading and writing or running away with your master's niece or daughter; I directly advise you to go upon the road, which is the only post of honour left you: there you will meet many of your old comrades, and live a short life and a merry one, and make a figure at your exit, wherein I will give you some instructions. Lay all Faults upon a Lap-Dog or favourite Cat, a Monkey, a Parrot, a Child, or on the Servant who was last turned off: By this Rule you will excuse yourself, do no Hurt to any Body else, and save your Master or Lady from the Trouble and Vexation of chiding. When you scour your plates and dishes, bend the brim inward, so as to make them hold the more. We like to keep things fresh. If you are employed in marketting, buy your meat as cheap as you can; but when you bring in your accounts, be tender of your master's honour, and set down the highest rate; which besides is but justice; for nobody can afford to sell at the same rate that he buys, and I am confident that you may charge safely; swear that you gave no more than what the butcher and poulterer asked.
I advise you of the servants, whose master lives in the country, and who expect vales, always to stand rank and file when a stranger is taking his leave; so that he must of necessity pass between you; and he must have more confidence, or less money than usual, if any of you let him escape; and according as he behaves himself, remember to treat him the next time he comes. Decine e decine di piccole rivalse, in un periodo in cui la servitù non aveva il minimo diritto. Never come till you have been called three or four Times; for none but Dogs will come at the first Whistle: And when the Master calls Who's there? Rather, his intent is to mock and denounce the travails of human nature as did over a century earlier. You are sometimes desirous to see a funeral, a quarrel, a man going to be hanged, a wedding, a bawd carted, or the like: as they pass by in the street, you lift up the sash suddenly, there by misfortune it sticks: this was no fault of yours; young women are curious by nature; you have no remedy but to cut the cord, and lay the fault upon the carpenter, unless nobody saw you, and then you are as innocent as any servant in the house. When you are ordered to decant a suspicious bottle, if a pint be out, give your hand a dextrous shake, and show it in a glass, that it begins to be muddy.
When you have plenty of fowl in the larder, leave the door open in pity to the poor cat, if she be a good mouser. I cannot contrive any perfect remedy against either of these two evils. Lump three or four pounds of butter together with your hand, then dash it against the wall just over the dresser, so as to have it ready to pull by pieces as you have occasion for it. Get three or four chairwomen to attend you constantly in the kitchen, whom you pay at small charges, only with the broken meat, a few coals, and all the cinders. If you happen to break any china with the top of the whisk on the mantletree or the cabinet, gather up the fragments, put them together as well as you can, and place them behind the rest, so that when your lady comes to discover them, you may safely say they were broke long ago, before you came to the service. Persuade the footman, who got you with child, to marry you before you are six months gone; and if your lady asks you, why you would take a fellow who was not worth a groat? With scathing wit, Swift pits master against servant in an endless struggle for order, frugality and the best bits of the roast.
If you serve a country 'squire, when gentlemen and ladies come to dine at your house, never fail to make their servants drunk, and especially the coachman, for the honour of your master: to which in all your actions you must have a special regard, as being the best judge: for the honour of every family is deposited in the hands of the cook, the butler, and the groom, as I shall hereafter demonstrate. Series Title: Responsibility: Jonathan Swift. This will divert him from plodding on business too much, or spending himself in talk, or racking his thoughts, all which are hurtful to his constitution. When you wait behind a chair at meals, keep constantly wriggling the back of the chair, that the person behind whom you stand may know you are ready to attend him. Title Directions to Servants in General;: And in Particular to the Butler, Cook, Footman, Coachman, Groom, House-steward, and Land-steward, Porter, Dairy-maid, Chamber-maid, Nurse, Laundress, House-keeper, Tutoress, Or Governess, Volume 1 , Author Contributors Robert Dodsley, Mary Cooper Publisher R.